All posts tagged: Love

I hate you! No, I don’t.

Over the past few weeks I have repeatedly found myself in this almost unbearable state of frustration. Some seemingly minor activity that wasn’t working the way I wanted to would bring up this intense anger. I invariably found myself pushing harder to get the task done while yelling at myself in my head. ” I hate you! This sucks! It’s never going to work! I am such a failure! etc, etc ” And then the fact that I got so angry over ‘nothing’ made me feel more upset with myself. After a little while the feeling would pass, leaving my puzzled about why it had come up in the first place. Having done a fair bit of soul growing I just left it sitting there on the side table of my mind. A curiosity that I hoped my future self would better understand. Today I was at the gym doing some pushups against the wall. I could feel the muscles in my shoulder aching and was displeased by how weak it felt. “I hate you!” …

I love kids

Suddenly it occurs to me what a big role kids play in my life. Sure, I know I work 30+ hours a week with two amazing toddlers, have a 7 year old daughter of my own, started and worked at the Village Free School (a small, democratic school in SE Portland) for 5 years, nannied for 3 years before that and worked at a Montessory preschool in my early twenties. But somehow it never showed up in my mind as one of my hobbies, interests or passions. Really!?! I bet that’s what any of the people who know me must be thinking right now. It’s one of those blind spots right in front of your face. Clearly I love kids. I take more pictures of them than I do of plants, mountains, art, anything really. I’m almost always reading a few parenting books. And people have been paying me and thanking me for over a decade for taking care of, loving, educating, playing with, feeding and nurturing their offspring. But me, I didn’t really notice …

God serving God

Seva = service “Please help to humanity. I keep begging and asking, we are one. We don’t have any religion. Our religion is only love. God is one. Candles might be different but flame light is same.” – Sri Kaleshwar The greatest meditation is to help another person. To care about another’s happiness more than my own. Even just for a moment. I listened to a reading today where Swami Kaleshwar was urging us, once again, to go out in the world and take care of the needy. I could go out to a retirement center or a hospital and look for people in need. I could bring food or flowers or a book to read and be there as a friend to them. There are so many people who are sick and lonely. To go out and find a stranger to serve, it’s out there as something to look into. But it is a little daunting at this point in time. I see so many people in my day who are in need of …

Letting go …

  There is some point at which we are connected, regardless  as friend or enemy when we go back far enough we are One.   It’s just a matter of knowing how far to let go or how much to embrace until we arrive where it feels right.   There is no “away” they point out in permaculture circles. Nowhere to throw our trash that is truly gone.   What about love? When it ends, does it go away? I think not. Broken hearts may heal. But what was, the possibility and the pain, remain. Love is eternal.   Is it possible to truly let go? To dive into the sea and be free once more?   Perhaps our Oneness is like the ocean of life that we all are swimming in. As that we are One, but at the same time separate entities. Who choose to create bonds and who can let those dissolve again. Indeed we will stay tied by shared memories.   But once we let go far enough our Oneness is …

As long as in love there is “you” and “me”

I read on my friends facebook post: “As long as in love there is “you” and “me”, love is not fully kindled.” ~ Hazrat Inayat Khan. I had planned to post about grief. About how easy it is to slip into the pain of lost love. How I wondered who’s pain it really was that I felt. Was it my pain, or hers, or the pain of the world. But something in this quote woke me up. It’s hard to even find the pain now. Here you are. Enjoy. The Sufi makes no restrictions and has no principles of renunciation, nor does he teach renunciation. He believes that to sacrifice anything in life which one does not wish to sacrifice is of no use, but that renunciation is a natural thing, and grows in one with one’s evolution. A child which cries for its toy at one stage of its childhood, comes to an age when it is quite willing to give away the toy it once cried for. There are three stages of morals. …