All posts filed under: Relationship

Desperately seeking connection

I’ve been going dancing again lately. I love to dance, to feel my body move to the rhythm of the music. Ecstatic dance, late night rave, trance, boom boom. Several times I have found myself going and going for 4-5 hours. Didn’t even know I had it in me. When I used to dance I would be focused almost entirely inward. Closed eyes letting the sounds pulse through me I’d find myself in front of the left speaker with nothing between me and the boom boom. In my minds eye the patterns of light would follow my limbs, twirling and swirling, jumping and beating to the rhythm. Lost in my own adventure. These days it’s different. I am different. I see people. I watch people. Watch them writhe and pulsate. Some subtle, some wild, some almost tripping over themselves. It’s beautiful to see others move with abandon. The places I go tend to be filled with dancers for the sake of dancing, not so much showing off and picking up. Advertisements

to live and die with dignity

I realize once again that I have lofty goals for our world. for every human being, animal and plant to live and die in love and dignity. That’s really what it all comes down to, isn’t it? It came to me today as I cut up my bell pepper. I have to admit, I am a food snob. I buy almost all my produce organic and as local as possible. But this time I bought a conventional bell pepper, because my daughter picked it out, and I just wanted one, and there were no organic ones at either store I went to. As I was cutting it I felt how much less vibrant it was than the ones I got a few weeks back from a local farmer (must have had them in a greenhouse). I caught myself judging the poor little fruit and sent blessings to it and it’s family. The picture that came to me was of a barren field where pepper plants grow their short life and then are ripped from the …

Honoring the Mother

The Mother wants to give her child everything. Everything the child asks for, needs or simply would be delighted by. But the child must also be polite. By polite I don’t mean saying the right words, like please and thank you. Deep politeness is a way of being – respectful, humble, grateful – acknowledging that what you receive is so much more than you can ever give back. This attitude, this sharing of love is what makes the work of the mother a joy. We must practice to be polite with our mothers. Our human mothers, our mother earth. We must show our children how to respect us, our wives, our elders, our planet. And how do we do that best? First we do it by honoring ourselves. We honor our bodies by feeding them well, resting, moving. We honor our hearts by loving, playing, saying nice things to and about ourselves. We honor our personal space and time by having and holding clear boundaries. We honor our creativity by giving it room to express …

Agrimony for letting go

Started taking Agrimony yesterday. Matt Woods recommended it after feeling my pulses. I’d asked for his advice about the constipation I’ve been having for far too long now. He and some other students held my wrists and felt my blood move against their finger tips while he placed different remedies in my hand. Finally Agrimony seemed to release something in the clenching sensation in my large intestine point. Weird enough that that’s actually possible to feel. As soon as I took a few drops I started to cry. Nothing big and remarkable just the terrible heartbreak I still feel underneath all my happy life and health. Seeping out of my eyes and running down my cheeks. It feels good to admit it to myself and it feels terribly painful. She used to like the way I said “terribly” or was it “horribly” I can’t even really remember. But I do remember how it felt when love was good and my heart aches for that. I know things have been shifting in the past few weeks, …

The Bien

It is getting to  be the time of  year to prepare for bee swarming season. Last year I set up two hives. A traditional Langstroth hive in a shared garden and a top bar hive with a viewing window in my little backyard. I got started a little late, but I caught my first swarm in June and placed it in my home hive. Unfortunately the season was cold and wet and my bees never made it through summer. This year I’m buying a nucleus hive for the Langstroth that is now in a different, closer garden and keeping my eyes out for a swarm to catch. It’s still pouring ‘winter’ rains in Portland, but I’m thinking about Spring and buzzing things. I was inspired today to poke around in Michael Thiele’s blog gaiabees.com . Apiculture is beginning a transformation towards a wholesome way of living with bees. New voices are emerging. The bien is calling. … Bees gives themselves completely to the wellbeing of the bien. Their physical existence is completely devoted to its …

Suddenly realizing the world is not just for us

At this threshold, we are as children, suddenly realizing that the world is not just for us. We realize that there are other consciousnesses around us, interacting with us. – Chiron, Healing Body and Soul – Martin Lass I had a conversation with my 7 year old daughter recently about how it effects the people around her when she is particularly dramatic in expressing her hurt or upset. She first pushed for the importance of her right to express her feelings and then she acknowledged how that could be scary or upsetting for someone near her. I could see her little mind struggling with the paradox of her need for the space to express and another being’s need for the space not to be expressed upon. Her deeply compassionate nature struggled with her robust sense of self worth. This dance of the inner and outer world is such a big part of being alive with other people. To know I am worthy of everything I want, and so are you. To feel the connection of …

Letting go …

  There is some point at which we are connected, regardless  as friend or enemy when we go back far enough we are One.   It’s just a matter of knowing how far to let go or how much to embrace until we arrive where it feels right.   There is no “away” they point out in permaculture circles. Nowhere to throw our trash that is truly gone.   What about love? When it ends, does it go away? I think not. Broken hearts may heal. But what was, the possibility and the pain, remain. Love is eternal.   Is it possible to truly let go? To dive into the sea and be free once more?   Perhaps our Oneness is like the ocean of life that we all are swimming in. As that we are One, but at the same time separate entities. Who choose to create bonds and who can let those dissolve again. Indeed we will stay tied by shared memories.   But once we let go far enough our Oneness is …