An astrologer friend pointed out that since I have Pluto in my sixth house I would experience a little death in my daily life. For a while nap time with the babies served that purpose. If you’ve ever supported a young one in the transition from here to wherever it is we go when we sleep you must know what I mean.
Falling asleep, letting go of the world, trusting your body to the earth, embodied in your warm soft bed it is like dying. You go all alone. You don’t know what will happen. And as a little one not yet versed in this worlds permanency it must be frightening at times. I’m here, you’re alright, we can play again when you wake up.
Well, today nap time was easy. The little ones slip off to sleep after a few minutes of singing to themselves and I found my death in a book. Zazen by Vanessa Veselka a Reed graduate. I mention Reed because it was in the Reed alumni magazine that I first read about her. I was intrigued by her story, how she lead a sorted and adventurous life and came to Reed much older than the other students to get her BA in writing. And she wrote this book.
So far the protagonist Della has shown herself to be very perceptive of the nuances of her world. And she perceives a lot of death, people who light themselves on fire, bombs announcing an immanent war, rats dying of poison in the vegan restaurant she works at. And she feels for them all. As she feels for them, so do I. Books and movies can be dangerous for me that way. The world of fiction hardly distinguished from reality soaks through my sensitive being and I wonder if I will traumatized myself. But like a cigarette or a box of cookies, or even a knitting project late at night. One voice in me cautions, that’s enough not good for me and another rises up in rebellion, just one more, just one more.
Interesting this ability for free will we have. And this apparent attraction I have to death, danger and whatever it is I have declared is not good for me. So as I write about my diet, that is striving asymptotically for perfection, I find a little outlet or inlet for death in another way.
Just a little death in my daily life. Thanks Pluto.