Started taking Agrimony yesterday.
Matt Woods recommended it after feeling my pulses. I’d asked for his advice about the constipation I’ve been having for far too long now. He and some other students held my wrists and felt my blood move against their finger tips while he placed different remedies in my hand. Finally Agrimony seemed to release something in the clenching sensation in my large intestine point. Weird enough that that’s actually possible to feel.
As soon as I took a few drops I started to cry. Nothing big and remarkable just the terrible heartbreak I still feel underneath all my happy life and health. Seeping out of my eyes and running down my cheeks. It feels good to admit it to myself and it feels terribly painful. She used to like the way I said “terribly” or was it “horribly” I can’t even really remember.
But I do remember how it felt when love was good and my heart aches for that.
I know things have been shifting in the past few weeks, because for the first time in many months I have actually noticed some attractive people in my surroundings. Sunshine melting my heart. But clearly feeling my heart involves feeling my heartbreak.
Today I am particularly grateful for the little boy I get to spend my day with. Focused in the simple pleasures of eating, walking in the rain, watching the birds, telling stories. If a bend in the curve of the path on Mt. Tabor reminds me of her and a tear rolls down my cheek, he doesn’t mind and we get to move on to the next dandelion flower and the squirrel drinking from a glistening puddle.
Heartbreak. I kinda just want to be over it by now. But that’s a lot like saying, I kinda just want to have pooped by now, when you’re constipated. I see how it’s all connected.
Agrimony, I do so hope you’ll help me let go on both levels.
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